Jest Junkie Pillows

'And I thought to myself: I spend my life laughing, why not try to make others laugh...'

World Tour.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

Homo Gamus

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Fast Food Menu Selections

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

Nutrition-Free Diet

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

Covid v Vaccinator

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

Upholding the Law

"Let's take in a trial."

'At least he's honest.'

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

'George always was a hog for fast food.'

'We can't keep living in the fast-food lane.'