Health Junkie Gifts

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Gym workout.

Woman with exercise bike

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

'Is this still America?'

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

Uncle Mort, have you been playing with your home genetic engineering kit again? Guilty. I was trying to clone my own DNA. For laughs, I mixed up my genes with compost. Mixed up? Technically, cross-bred. Trump is a meathead! Well, you're a vegetable.

Internet Cafe

Health

Apocalliptical

'Kids, let's pause and give thanks to that higher power that keeps this family together...our internet service provider.'

"Offering free Wi-Fi was genius."

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

"We don't communicate any more..."

"Oh that's just a myth. It wasn't one extra straw that did this. It was a Steinway."

Hear the stunning reviews for Boneyard Death Killers. It's one of the greatest movies in a generation. That's according to movieblogreview.com. What's that place? Boneyard chills, thrills and packs an emotional wallop says flickreviewblogspot. It's Friday the 13th meets Caddyshack meets Streetcar Named Desire, according to joereviewsmovies.com. Awesome dlite gr8 dialog 2 says movietwittergal. I loved this film! Reports I-get-free-stuff-from-studios-reviewer.com.

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

'All I'm saying, Sweetheart, is that maybe you're not quite ready for the advanced yoga class!'

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'

'I'll have a two mile run, 150 sit ups and a side of weight training.'

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

'Triglycerides? Let's just say when your cholesterol,HDL and LDL are partying it up, he's the guy you want to gate crash!'

Crisis at the health club.

'It's the word MODERATE which scares me!'

"That's what I like about you, Abrams, you don't let a little illness keep you off the job."

"That makes me very happy!"

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reading 'lightweight gift ideas' magazine

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

Weight Loss Clinic.

'No, you can't count an extra olive in your martini as a serving of vegetables.'