Medicine Cabinet Junkie Gifts

"I'm not a drug addict, just a hypochondriac."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Medical Supplies

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

Doctor consulting a textbook.

A Mom and Pop Operation

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'That's why patients shouldn't be told certain things.'

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

'Angiogram.'

Hospital. Does your foot fall asleep in that position? On the contrary, it was up all night.

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

Round the Clock

Drunken Dis-orderly

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'I'm going to exaggerate the seriousness of your illness...It'll make you feel better.'

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."

"Your heart is OK, but after all the tests we ran, your bank may need a transplant."

"It's probably nothing..."

You need a knee replacement -- We'll put in an actual spring in your step!

'What the... there's the gold earring I lost when we did his triple bypass four years ago.'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

Fracture Clinic

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

Intensive billing unit

"Four times daily, and I wouldn't worry too much, it's probably tension."

'Just checking that you're my 5:25.'