Medicine Cabinet Junkie Pillows

"I'm not a drug addict, just a hypochondriac."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Medical Supplies

Doctor consulting a textbook.

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'That's why patients shouldn't be told certain things.'

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

'Angiogram.'

Drunken Dis-orderly

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"Oh, those aren't my diplomas – they're my medical malpractice attorney's."

'I'm going to exaggerate the seriousness of your illness...It'll make you feel better.'

Round the Clock

"Your heart is OK, but after all the tests we ran, your bank may need a transplant."

"It's probably nothing..."

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'Call me immediately if this prescription causes and headaches or hallucinations.'

Fracture Clinic

Intensive billing unit

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

Surgeons getting drunk in the operating theater.

'Just checking that you're my 5:25.'