Medicine Cabinet Curator Pillows

Round the Clock

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Paul Klee

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Shoe addict.

It's a call from Tate modern.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Projectile painting.'

Misunderstood artist

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Convenience.

You had me at vintage.

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

The Rise of Modern Art

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

"The new house is almost ready!"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

The perfectionist.

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"That must be the artist over there."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"