Medicine Cabinet Explorer Pillows

'What've you got for a headache?'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Medical Supplies

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Medical science is this close to finding a cure for the common evil vapors.'

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

A man's health care options.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

Round the Clock

'Our experimental laser O.R. is in there.'

'...The world of vitamins can be complex.'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"I'm dating an MRI technician."

"I stay awake all night worrying about my insomnia, doctor!"

'I have two colds. I'm taking aspirin for one, and hot tea with whisky for the other.'