Medical Professional In Training Gifts

"Now, this is going to feel like I'm sticking my finger up your a*s."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

A midwife holding a baby

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"WHich one is mine?"

"Say 'eh.'"

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

Mouse is doctor to lions with thorns in paws.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I stand corrected."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"I think it stopped breathing."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'