Medical Training Gifts

'I have no idea what that thing is either...'

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

"Just because this is a urology course doesn't mean I can pass a stone."

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

'Now watch carefully. You can learn from my mistakes.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

Trying to remember the mime lick maneuver

Proctologist school....

'Water? I'll just see if I can find someone who's completed the optimal patient rehydration management course!'

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

"Welcome to our intern program. I'm your instructor, Dr. David Robertson."

"According to the interns' fantasy medical league, you should be out of here in three days."

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Congratulations on becoming a Proctologist...bottoms up!"

"Is this 'No medical student left behind" diploma the same as a regular diploma?"

"He's in a better place now...I transferred him to County Hospital."

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

Anesthesiology class, day one: 'OK, count backward from 100...'

'If you're so easily grossed out, why did you go to medical school?'

'This isn't brain surgery. Oh, wait a minute! It is brain surgery.'

'If you're so easily grossed out, why did you go to medical school?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.

"I'd rain back on that Hannibal Lecter and give it more Mother Theresa."

Dentist Training School.

"I'm studying to become a quack!"

Why dogs hate CPR.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Med school was a blast."