Medical Professional In Training Pillows

"Now, this is going to feel like I'm sticking my finger up your a*s."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

A midwife holding a baby

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Say 'eh.'"

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"I stand corrected."

"I think it stopped breathing."

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'