Medical Advisor In Training Pillows

'...Okay, do you have the tip of the steak knife over the spot where you think your appendix is? Okay, great...'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Obama Healthcare.

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'Madam, this is not pornography. It is a textbook on obsterics and gynecology...'

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

Dentist Training School.

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Govt. UK led by Seance

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

"This is a teaching hospital."

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

"The diagnostic computer think I should defrag your hard drive."

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Consortia set to take over

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'