Medical Irony Appreciator Gifts

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'I can only afford half of these prescriptions. Which have the best side effects?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

"It's inoperable and perennial."

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

Paramedics.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Flu Drugs.

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

The monster was surprised to receive a medical bill from Dr. Frankenstein.

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

Open up the Shops!