Medical Irony Appreciator Gifts

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'I can only afford half of these prescriptions. Which have the best side effects?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

Flu Drugs.

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Paramedics.

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

"It's inoperable and perennial."

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

The monster was surprised to receive a medical bill from Dr. Frankenstein.

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'