Medical Irony Lover Gifts

'I really hate going to hospital.' 'I know. It's unfortunate you're a neurosurgeon.'

Now roll over onto your front and regret never having gone private...

"The doctor will see you sometime before 9 a.m. and 4."

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'The doctor said I've got to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 5!'

'They don't have any side effects, nor any other effect whatsoever!'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I feel your pain level."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Give it to me straight, Doc, and don't poopcoat it.

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'And I think you'll find something extra in your dessert, Hon.'