Medical Irony Seeker Gifts

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'So how did you manage to get your saline replaced with lager?'

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'