Medical Irony Observer Gifts

"I'm sure it's nothing."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

AI Summit

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."