Medical Irony Enthusiast Gifts

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'Side effects? In your condition you won't notice.'

'You're a sick man, Mr Pettyman. I'd advise you to try and win the lottery so you can afford proper medical treatment.'

'They got to fighting over who was first at the doctor's office and ended up in emergency.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"Good news! Your health care provider has agreed to pay for that tongue depressor I used on you. However, you will have to pay for everything else."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Gross."

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Long shift?'

'Time for your pills.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.