Medical Mockery Appreciator Gifts

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'