Medical Bureaucracry Survivor Gifts

"Being a doctor really ages you - that was me three years and 4,217 prior authorizations ago."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

Bureaucracy gone mad!

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

Doctor surrounded by notes.

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"I'm totally prepared for this meeting. In fact I spent the entire morning working on my 'it's not my fault' face."

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.

'Well, the Brain Trust had no answers. Call in the Blame Trust!'

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

"Here's a little song I wrote in prison. Actually, I was at Motor Vehicle renewing my license, but it SEEMED like prison."

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

'Good evening! I'm the Abduction Admin Consultant.'

'All these stupid forms! -- You self-employed guys make me sick!'

The mazes were too easy, so now they have me running through bureaucracies and looking for grants. (Originally published on 2007-10-18).

"Someday my grant will come."

Bureau of Red Tape

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

"I think she's having a Spontaneous Paperwork Induced Collapse."

"In principle we're happy with the trust idea...as long as it's properly monitored and regulated!"

'When I die, please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. . .Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.''

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

"More government regulations, Mr. Maslin?"

'And if none of those work, it brings us to Plan Z...'