Survivors Of The Medical Maze Gifts

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Time for your pills.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

Medical students learning how to perform a prostate examination.

"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"

Heavy Traffic.

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Anatomy & Physiology Exam: The ... bone's connected to ... bone...

"Over here, by the whatchanacalalit...somebody get the anatomy book."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

Medical Treatment.

'Gee!'