Survivors Of The Medical Maze Pillows

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Time for your pills.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Wilkins! Keep your eyes on your own cadaver!'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

Medical students learning how to perform a prostate examination.

"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"

Heavy Traffic.

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Anatomy & Physiology Exam: The ... bone's connected to ... bone...

"Over here, by the whatchanacalalit...somebody get the anatomy book."

'Notice how I stare at the forms like I'm actually reading them... and generally moving very slowly so I'm a little further behind schedule as the day progresses.'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'Gee!'