Media Trainer Gifts

"Actually, minister, as long as you say 'strong and stable, you can fill the rest with any old b*llocks!"

Conservative media training.

Trial by Media

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'How fast can you hype?'

Squeezing the Free Press.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

If nobody had invented graphics

Gay Times...

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

Local News in Heaven

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."