Media Consultant Gifts

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Do you want to be manipulated by the left wing media or the right wing media?'

"Young people today need heroes - that's why I hired a P.R. firm."

"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."

"Geez, you're the worst focus group I've ever seen."

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

'We need a PR expert who can make heads or tails out of what I'm trying to say to the public.'

"You're suffering from defective media image. What you need is a spin doctor."

The Media Guru: 'You don't exist until you're on TV.'

"Congratulations on getting your 'Courage Under Fire By Media' award."

Lights Action Camera Justice

"I don't like soundbites - and you can quote me on that."

'From the very beginning we felt that defeating the Big Bad Wolf would be meaningless unless we could parlay it into a book deal.'

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

"And today in Washington a top Administration apologist issued an apology."

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

Diddly

"He changed channels, listened...and his news bubble exploded!"

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

'And all the King's spin doctors couldn't put Humpty Dumpty's poll numbers back together again.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

The Court of Public Opinion

'Yes, I lighten my hair. But only to be fairer and more accountable to the taxpayers.'

'It looks like your fifteen minutes of fame is about over.'

'Here are your controversial remarks spin-doctored.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Rumor Control Center: Chicken Little.

'The out-of-court settlement will be costly, but the pre-trial publicity...PRICELESS!'

'Sir, what comes first ??" the buzz or the spin?'

Ministry of S10gans

'So we tell the media our board has lost all scruples, but is willing to do some handwringing on Newsnight.'

Satan relaxes at home with the Hounds of Hell and Ted, his favorite image/media consultant.

"I didn't know you could get a PhD in Spin."