Media Technician Gifts

'I hate technology!'

'These are the VCR tapes I recorded, but never watched.'

Politician

Trial by Media

'How fast can you hype?'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

If nobody had invented graphics

Gay Times...

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

Local News in Heaven

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

Reporter #6: television.

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

Free press.

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

Classic News.

News for Sale

Sisyphean task with the free press.