Measurement Magician Gifts

Supermarket. 'Half a pound of ham please'.'It's kilos now sir'.'Half a pound of kilos then!'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'The path to becoming an astronaut is rougher than I thought.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Well, I'm studying mathematics and I'm sure that's tougher than math."

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

The Forever Stamp

Professor of Fuzzy Logic.

'My mother says I have a vivid imagination.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Lazy plumber.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

'Let's see if we could put a spin on it and get the public interested.'

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Everyone's using your theorem, Pythagoras. I told you you should have patented it.'

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

Product Formula - "He's brilliant. But his mind wanders."

'What it all means is, ker-booom!'

A2+B2=C2, 'Are you sure you're not just making this stuff up?'

"Music helps with maths... like which song got to number one... which song got to number two..."