Metrics Magician Gifts

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

Team Leader

The Life of Pi

Time Is Money

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'The path to becoming an astronaut is rougher than I thought.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Investing your savings

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

"Everything's gone up."

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

"Well, I'm studying mathematics and I'm sure that's tougher than math."

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

Professor of Fuzzy Logic.

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

'My mother says I have a vivid imagination.'