Measurement Enthusiast Gifts

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

"I'm metric and he's imperial."

'My Dad always said Imperial was better by miles.'

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

'Well, well - this should create a nice little wave of panic and hysteria.'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

'Think, son! What was that formula you fed that tree?!'

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

'What'll I do with the nuclear wastes?'

"Essentially Wilkins proves things and Brenner disproves them."

An angry Scientist has discovered his two Lab' mice are using a GPS to find their way through a maze to some cheese.

'Okay I admit it - we probably do need a rocket scientist.'

'I thoguht they only tested drugs on guinea pigs.'

Undercover Biophysicists

"But I'm conducting an experiment: will the twentieth cookie taste as good as the first?"

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

'Here's one I made earlier.'

A genetically-modified,hydroponically-grown tomato conducts a taste-test of its own.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Galileo's Attempt to discover is heavier dog falls faster than lighter dog.

'Louis Pasteur, after discovering that microbes transmitted disease, experimented with methods for killing them'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

"For you young scientists who hope to do public service work someday, the following six experiments, showing the basic ideas behind chemical warfare...."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

Scientist to other: 'That's the saddest hypothesis I've ever heard!'