Measurement Expert Gifts

"The official measure of an inch is three iPhones stacked on top of each other."

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

Pull the udder one

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

"Yep, first the gold run out, then the microchip manufacturing went overseas."

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"It kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?"

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

The Multi-tasking Snake Charmer

The sooner you stop freaking out, the sooner I can take the pic.

Whatever ran over the poor guy really left some marks. Tape measure.

Fabrication Lab. A virus got into the 3-D printer and distorted the pattern. A virus? It's a design flu.

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

Let the profit-making begin!

A Vet? I had you picked in advertising.

'I regret to report that there's no global warming threat after all -- we just got Fahrenheit and Celsius mixed up.'

"I don't know who on Facebook told you, but I can assure you Stradivarius didn't make accordions!"

Parking validation

"I am sorry to inform you that you are displaying early signs of senile dimensiona Mr Johnson."

'I thought you said 36 inch neck and 16 inch sleeve.'

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

"Oh wait, we need to be on the 1-9 North bound escalator to get to the food court."

A Over Crowded Office.

'We're gaining market share in the areas where we lose money.'