Meal Mishap Enthusiast Pillows

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

'I don't think it's cooked yet, but there's smoke coming out of the oven.'

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

Murphy's Slaw.

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

"I'm sorry, the sesame peanut dressing is not agreeing with him."

"How is everything?"

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

'We had to cancel the shish-ka-bob - Our chef isn't allowed to handle sharp objects.'

'I don't understand it. I boiled the steak for 20 minutes!'

'My wife always switches the smoke detector off when she cooks.'

Friends trying to have lunch with disruptive baby

"Waiter, there seems to be a toupee in my soup."