Meal Mishaps Pillows

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Oops.

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

"What's wrong? I baked it from scratch."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

Murphy's Slaw.

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

'We had to cancel the shish-ka-bob - Our chef isn't allowed to handle sharp objects.'

'I don't understand it. I boiled the steak for 20 minutes!'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

'My wife always switches the smoke detector off when she cooks.'

Friends trying to have lunch with disruptive baby

"Don't worry about serving chicken to a vegetarian, Carmen. We all make mistakes. I once mistook a mop bucket for a soup pot."

'Yuck! Take it away.'

'Let's skip dessert. My arms sore.'