Food Mishaps Pillows

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

Murphy's Slaw.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Arrrrrrrrr. This be bad."

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"What's wrong? I baked it from scratch."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'We had to cancel the shish-ka-bob - Our chef isn't allowed to handle sharp objects.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'I don't understand it. I boiled the steak for 20 minutes!'

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

Dining Infraction, Too Much Tabouli on the Tie!

'My wife always switches the smoke detector off when she cooks.'