Meal Humorist Pillows

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

Lesser known greek gods,

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Garlic Free Zone.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Cat eats date.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'