Meal Humorist Gifts

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Cat eats date.

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'