Mealtime Humorist Gifts

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

"J'entends le poulet qui arrive!"

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

'This corn's got dandruff.'

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'What time is it? The small hand is on the 6 and the cat's paw is on my chin.'

Same Sexless Marriage

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

Have you said grace? No, we said grace yesterday, this is leftovers!

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

'You're sitting in her chair,vicar!'

"If so many things taste like chicken, why did God make chickens?"