Meal Time Humorist Gifts

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

'Your French dip, sir.'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'He isn't use to getting up this early.'

"J'entends le poulet qui arrive!"

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

'What time is it? The small hand is on the 6 and the cat's paw is on my chin.'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Have you said grace? No, we said grace yesterday, this is leftovers!

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

"Ladies ladies, please. There's enough of me to go around."

Clocks. Why do you want two alarm clocks? Getting up is bad news and I want a second opinion.

'You're sitting in her chair,vicar!'

Listen, Mom - someone in there must be ticklish!

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

"If so many things taste like chicken, why did God make chickens?"

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

Today's highs will be around 65. Today's lows will be getting out of bed and the morning commute.

"Chinese food? I'll call it in if you'll pick it up."

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