Meal Time Comedian Gifts

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

"J'entends le poulet qui arrive!"

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Bed Seasons

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

Menage a Paws.

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

"I slept funny!"

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

"You folks like a little something?"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

'I ordered a blueberry muffin - Not a Blackberry muffin!'

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.

Brrr...for the last time! Keep your cold feet on your side of the bed!