Mattress Salesman Gifts

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

"It's a mammary foam mattress."

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"Do you have anything with a bit more back support?"

Arabian Water Bed

"There's something wrong with the pillow."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"People will pay anything to get away from it all. These babies don't even have WiFi on them."

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

Furniture. I don't care what style. I just want a couch that matches her fur.

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

"I'm looking for something with low clearance. Something monsters won't be able to get under."

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

The domino effect.

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

'Plus, you get to keep any change you happen to find under the cushions.'

Water bed.

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

'Mine!'