Mattress Investor Gifts

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

The Mattress Savings Bank

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

The domino effect.

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

R. Dough, M.D. - Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat & Big Pharma Stock.

'Long term investors' tortoise wins 'Stock market success' race against the hare

"I drink to forget."

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"

The Princess and the Pea

"And see how my assistant Mr Wilkins demonstrates the bounciness of the ZF-150 Divan."

"Do you prefer your mattress firm or soft - not that it matters."

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

"How many out of ten? Hello."