Mattress Retailer Gifts

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'Do you have it in black?'

Sketches by Boz - Monmouth Street

A tailor measuring a large man

The Mattress Savings Bank

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

"Relax, I'm coming for the suit."

Men see an old lady in a round hat from the back and think she is a pretty young lady.

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"

"You see, sir? It fits you like a glove!"

"Do you do these in sheep?"

'It's goose down!'

A tight skirt makes a woman look slim!

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

''Get a life' was last year! This year it's 'get a while bunch of lives!''

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

The Emporer's Clothes Boutique

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

Marsupial Mom Jeans,

The cushions are very soft !

'The Fed said interest rates will stay unchanged...but raising hemlines is a sure sign the economy is moving again.'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

Furniture being sent out of the shop ('everything must go').

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'