Mattress Investor Enthusiast Gifts

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

The domino effect.

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

God Bless Our Asking Price

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

"I drink to forget."

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"

The Princess and the Pea

'Go back to sleep, that was just the house value expanding.'

"And see how my assistant Mr Wilkins demonstrates the bounciness of the ZF-150 Divan."

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

"How many out of ten? Hello."

"Do you have anything a little firmer?"