Mattress Testing Enthusiast Gifts

'This mattress feels lumpy, but then again, that could be me.'

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

'It's so cool we have another test today.'

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

The domino effect.

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

Kid in bed to mom: How come third graders don't get a personal day?

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

The Princess and the Pea

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"

"Why can't duvets be square?"

"I drink to forget."

"And see how my assistant Mr Wilkins demonstrates the bounciness of the ZF-150 Divan."

Memory-Loss Foam.

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

"How many out of ten? Hello."

"You are getting sleepy, very sleepy ... "

'This is great, we'll take it.'

"Well you won't be nicking all the duvet tonight."

"I sleep on my side, but I pass out on my stomach."

'...In the future, please refrain from answering 'duh' on the easier questions.'

'Congratulations, Phillip. you've managed to score somehow lower than chance.'