Mattress Tester Gifts

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

"According to your character reference,you are lazy,frequently oversleep and are lethargic most of the time. In other words, you are the ideal person for this job."

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

"How many out of ten? Hello."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Rust test in progress.

Product Testing Department

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

'They're not like popsickles, Sir. . . they're just too warm and syrupy.'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

'So how was work, Honey?'

At the National Whoopee Cushion Testing Facility.

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

The domino effect.

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

At the Flip-Flop Quality Control Center.

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"

"You're the perfect man for our production test lab, sir!"

Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head? I'm glad you (huff) asked. Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death. So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills. Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill? They walk. ... Walk.