Mattress Manufacturer Gifts

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"We can't agree on a size."

Nick Offerman

Introverted Chair

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Irritable dowel syndrome

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

'I gotta hand it to you, Conway. It takes a genius like you to figure out how to get an 8-foot-long table through a 3-foot-wide door!'

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

Sitting down

A Victorian lion chair is given a tail.

Egg in over-easy chair.

Mid century modern. Midwest boring

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

I've found the designer gene.

Shaker Timeouts

The domino effect.