Mattress Manufacturer Gifts

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"We can't agree on a size."

Nick Offerman

Introverted Chair

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

Irritable dowel syndrome

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

Egg in over-easy chair.

Sitting down

A Victorian lion chair is given a tail.

Mid century modern. Midwest boring

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

I've found the designer gene.

'She thinks she's the cat's meow just because she was on Antiques Roadshow.'

Shaker Timeouts