Bed Salesman Gifts

Arabian Water Bed

Mister Pretty Shoes

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?"

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

Stethoscope

Man saying 'Bless you!' to a Big Issue vendor.

"I know they're expensive, Evelyn, but like the saying goes...If the Jimmy Choos fit, wear them!"

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

'He doesn't sell many dress shoes, but he leads the department in slipper sales.'

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

'Lou's News Stand'

"I want a pair which says 'fast' even if I'm goin' slow."

"I'm off to the cinema, darling, see you here later."

"With this new attachment your kitty can continue to sleep on the TV!"

Water bed.

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"This is programmed with the answers to 500 popular essay questions."

A street scene.

'What size you folks want. . . twin? Double? Single?'

So this is what you meant when you said it came with its own computer furniture.

'Madam's wedgie runneth over.'

We have reason to believe you have an unlicenced sofa...

"Wow! I think you just moved up in the playoffs, Tom!"

Sleep-Eez Bedding

'You're in luck. I think we have a pair of boots that size. I'll see if I can find them.'

'The same thing happened when the doctor hit me on the knee.'

"Perfect! I like a firm mattress and he likes it soft."

'This is great, we'll take it.'