Bed Enthusiasts Gifts

"When was this bed last serviced?"

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Man's best friends."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Broken Alarm Clock.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Graham loved his creature comforts."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

Baby zipping himself up then going to sleep

"You were snoring."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

"What's with your hair?"

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

'We'll take it!'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'