Bible Salesman Gifts

"Before buying one, I thump it good!"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Larry's used art

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Lethal Presentation

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Blue Stockings - Female poet who has not sold any of her books

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

The Salesman

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Author does not do tricks."

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Sue the Author 3PM

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"What? You broke number 3 already?"