Bible Salesman Pillows

"Before buying one, I thump it good!"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Larry's used art

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

Lethal Presentation

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Blue Stockings - Female poet who has not sold any of her books

STRIP Hambone: Paper work

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

"Author does not do tricks."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Sue the Author 3PM

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

The Salesman

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit, today, sir - a ream of paper and a half-dozen pencils.'