Biblical Storyteller Gifts

"I knew the woodpeckers were a mistake."

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

"If there were cellphones at the Red Sea."

'I have something to tell you, Moses...'

'Because I don't like unicorns, that's why!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Did you run them through the spell-check?' (god, moses and the ten commandments)

Moses and the Screenwriter: 'Accurate-Shmaccurate...if you want this story to sell, it needs some punching up.'

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

'What's Adam doing behind that bush?'

'Not THE three kings?'

Lots of rabbits trying to get onto arc - "Hang on, hang on, what did I just say."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Three Kings brings gifts (Teddy bears etc )

"No, Bobby, Moses did not DOWNLOAD the 10 commandments!"

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Whoa! Who writes your stuff -- Mel Gibson?'

Noah's Ark Sculpture

'Don't look now, but they've invented sibling rivalry.'

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

"David? Yes, he's just a stones throw from here.�

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Here you go -- Don't say I didn't warn you.'

Daniel in the Lion's Den

Noah as a kid

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"No Wasps!"

Three Wise Westies

'Dad. I have a stow-a-way to report!'

"It sounds like Jonah went fishing, and the story got better every time he told it."

'Whoa! Who writes your stuff -- Mel Gibson?'

'Tell the children I was swallowed by a whale...'