Biblical Storyteller T-Shirts

"I knew the woodpeckers were a mistake."

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

"If there were cellphones at the Red Sea."

'I have something to tell you, Moses...'

'Because I don't like unicorns, that's why!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Did you run them through the spell-check?' (god, moses and the ten commandments)

Moses and the Screenwriter: 'Accurate-Shmaccurate...if you want this story to sell, it needs some punching up.'

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Not THE three kings?'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'What's Adam doing behind that bush?'

Three Kings brings gifts (Teddy bears etc )

Lots of rabbits trying to get onto arc - "Hang on, hang on, what did I just say."

"No, Bobby, Moses did not DOWNLOAD the 10 commandments!"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

Noah as a kid

Noah's Ark Sculpture

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

'Whoa! Who writes your stuff -- Mel Gibson?'

'Don't look now, but they've invented sibling rivalry.'

'Tell the children I was swallowed by a whale...'

'Dad. I have a stow-a-way to report!'

'Here you go -- Don't say I didn't warn you.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

Three Wise Westies

"No Wasps!"

"David? Yes, he's just a stones throw from here.�

Daniel in the Lion's Den

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

"It sounds like Jonah went fishing, and the story got better every time he told it."

"That's what you're wearing to Hell?"

"And Adam and Eve saw that they were naked, and they were ashamed."