Carpet Salesman Gifts

'The berber of Seville.'

'Does it have to be red?'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Mister Pretty Shoes

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

"Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"I know they're expensive, Evelyn, but like the saying goes...If the Jimmy Choos fit, wear them!"

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

'He doesn't sell many dress shoes, but he leads the department in slipper sales.'

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

"I want a pair which says 'fast' even if I'm goin' slow."

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"I'm off to the cinema, darling, see you here later."

'Mine!'

'Madam's wedgie runneth over.'

Office carpets,putting green type.