Carpet Retailer Gifts

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

A tailor measuring a large man

Sketches by Boz - Monmouth Street

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

Men see an old lady in a round hat from the back and think she is a pretty young lady.

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"

"Relax, I'm coming for the suit."

"You see, sir? It fits you like a glove!"

'It's goose down!'

A tight skirt makes a woman look slim!

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

''Get a life' was last year! This year it's 'get a while bunch of lives!''

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

The Emporer's Clothes Boutique

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

"Do you do these in sheep?"

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

'The Fed said interest rates will stay unchanged...but raising hemlines is a sure sign the economy is moving again.'