Carpet Salesperson Gifts

"I had the most marvellous dream last night. The whole world was done over in wall-to-wall carpeting."

"The carpet salesperson was right, a darker colour will hide all manner of sins."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

'I found our eight year old sales goals, and we're almost there.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

"Wall to wall carpet. Shouldn't that be wall to wall to wall to wall carpet?"

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

"How about moving in a little closer?"

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

'I won't bother you, Mr. Gridley... I just wanted to see how it would feel to walk barefoot on your plush carpeting...'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

'I see from your resume, that on your last job you were salesperson of the month. Says here that you were given a plague. Do you feel better now?'

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'